A Beginners guide to Miscommunication Pt1
In my life, I have come across fewer things as painful as being misunderstood. It gets especially worse when the receiving party’s misunderstanding begins to make you look like you have flawed understanding or a flawed moral compass. I have also realized that the more you say “but that is not what I am saying at all” the more you tend to sound defensive and for some reason begin to escalate the situation.
In my small research, I have discovered that people listen to you based on 3 things:
- The words you speak.
- Their Experiences, Knowledge and Bias.
- How they see and feel about you.
The first category belongs to people who are objective in conversations. They actually listen for the point you are trying to make and provide interjections where necessary. They are not carried away by so much sentiment that they lose out on the point of the conversation.
The second category belongs to people who pride in their intelligence. They scan what you say based on the knowledge or experience they have had and sift your statement based on these. If it does not align to what they know, it is most certainly wrong and they have no problem letting you know. Also, one problem with this group is that they already think they know what you are about to say before you have even said it or finished your statement. If a glimpse remotely resembles a past experience or touches a nerve on a bias they have, it is viewed, interpreted and responded to as though it is similar or like the former experience no matter how much you try to say otherwise. Tell me who can argue much with someone who has experience?
The third category belongs to people who already view you in a certain way in their minds and therefore interpret everything you say on that predisposition. Imagine someone who already believes that you are an exaggerator, they will take what you say with a pinch of salt. Imagine also that you can do no wrong in their eyes, they will also take what you say as law.
It is important to note that, although these categories may exist in distinct individuals, however, we can also exhibit all categories depending on the situation, the person(s) in conversation, how deep our experiences and bias are etc.
In “good” or bad ways, with good or bad intentions, we can all get misunderstood and we can misunderstand others too. Misunderstanding can be because of the people in the categories above or because of how we communicate in the first place...
So when you spot some of these kinds of people in your conversation, tactically allow your conversation meet them where they are so that you are not misunderstood too often. Know when to abort or to forge on, to give a defense or diffuse the situation. Know when to keep explaining or subtly change the topic to something else.
Are there any other categories out there? Please leave your suggestions in the comment section so we can learn from you as well.
Look out for our next post on things to do for better communication.
